Things have been very busy lately, and although I don't have time to go into every detail, I wanted to share some broad strokes and ask for your prayers.

1. I'm in the studio recording a cd! The Lord brought an amazing couple, David and Joy to help fund my first recording project, something that I couldn't have managed to do without help, and I'm in the recording! I'm working with an amazing guy, Luke Hendrickson (check out his instrumental album!). The vision for this project is for a long-play devotional worship album that someone can just put on during their devotional time and "soak" to. I want people to just be able to lay on the floor for an hour and encounter the presence of the Lord during this CD. It is going to feature some spontaneous portions, prophetic songs, instrumental selah's and a couple songs I've written over the course of 7 years at the International House of Prayer.

Already, there have been some amazing musical contributors, like Luke Hendrickson and Isaac Meyer, who just came out with his own instrumental soaking album that is amazing!

I would greatly appreciate your prayers during this time, that the presence of the Lord would truly rest on this project that more people may encounter Him in His glory. That's all I want with this.

2. I'm engaged!! More on this soon, but see that guy J.May in the right hand sidebar? Well we are going to be married this summer! Needless to say, there's a whole lot more to come on this particular topic.

3. I just started working in the IHOP-KC media department working with online video and audio for www.ihop.org (and affiliated ministries). I am super excited to help people find videos, listen or watch the prayer room stream, and develop new and improved video players, search tools, and so much more. I've got some really exciting projects and features in mind coming soon, but again prayer for grace and any video/audio/webstream suggestions are greatly appreciated.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Over the last decade the International House of Prayer, or IHOP as it’s usually called, has become a destination where worshippers lift non-stop praise and prayer up to God 24-hours a day. Now, there’s a new level of worship taking place at the ministry.

A series of miracle-filled meetings has been going on at the IHOP almost nightly since early November. As CBN News arrived to check out this move of the Holy Spirit, two young men were testifying about healings they had just experienced.

Jay Fridenmaker plays bass guitar in one of IHOP’s worship teams. He was so nearsighted that from the stage where he plays and these meetings take place, he’d never been able to see the big green digital clock on the other side of the auditorium.

“I’ve been asking the Lord for the last few days to heal my eyes,” Jay said. “A couple of people came over and prayed for me and my eyes…and now I can read things that are far away.” And he said the clock is now crystal clear.

Steve Moduno works with one of the other worship teams. Suffering with asthma since he was born, Steve has never been able to take deep breaths.

But he’d just been prayed for when CBN News showed up.

“Immediately I could breathe deeply.” We asked him to take a deep breath. He sucked in huge gulps of air. We said, “You were never able to do that before?” “No,” he replied, with a big, happy grin.

The ‘I Got Healed’ Gal

Rachel Beauchamp’s knee was so torn up she couldn’t run or dance for seven years. The Kansas City, Mo. resident confessed, “I’ve probably got prayed for – my knee – literally I’d say 900 times.”

At a recent renewal meeting, she wasn’t even praying for healing when it suddenly came for her damaged knee. She ran up on the stage, charging back and forth yelling, “I got healed! I got healed!” It was such a joyous, memorable moment, it earned Rachel a new title among people at IHOP: the ‘I got healed’ gal.

This move of the Lord in Kansas City began November 11 when Wes Hall’s 9 a.m. class at IHOP’s Bible school began to fill with a palpable presence of the Spirit.

15-Hour Holy Ghost Encounter

All other classes quickly moved in with Hall’s. Hundreds of Christians from across Kansas City – alerted by e-mails, texts and cell calls – started showing up for a Holy Ghost encounter that lasted 15 hours.

IHOP immediately began nightly six-hour renewal meetings and was soon sending it all out on a free, live webcast reaching 180 nations. Allen Hood, president of IHOP-University, described what God’s doing to His people in these meetings: “We’re getting healed. We’re experiencing His joy. We’re finding out He not only loves us, He likes us. He wants to use us. He wants to partner with us.”

For every physical healing, there appear to be dozens of spiritual ones – often leading to a total renewal of the recipient’s faith. It’s especially happening among the young people. “This generation is so broken,” said Hall, not just an IHOP-U instructor, but provost as well. “And the Lord is setting this young adult generation free of all kinds of brokenness and shame and addiction.”

‘Religion’ Knocked Right Out of Them

What’s interesting is how many long-time Christians here have had God knock the religion right out of them, but then replace it with a loving, intimate relationship with Him.

Anna Tullis, an IHOP student and almost lifelong Christian, felt tied up in knots over her religious spirit of perfectionism and performance: “I’ve grown up in a Christian home so I really knew how to perform and do what leadership wanted you to do…just knowing the system. And it had been so much bondage.”

She received prayer and deliverance at the renewal. “Afterwards I felt so light and so free. And like the freedom to be who the Lord called me to be instead of what everyone else was expecting of me. And it’s awesome!” Tullis exclaimed. “I’m just free from religion and like, my concept of God, which was totally messed up.”

IHOP-U president Hood explained, “A lot of our kids have grown up in religious contexts. They know what it means to look religious. But they’re finding out that God loves them, accepts them and is delivering them from performance.”

Twenty-seven-year-old Brent Steeno is another IHOP-U teacher. He was praying for students during the first day the renewal began, when he realized he himself had issues blocking his relationship with God.

Steeno asked for prayer and had a heavenly encounter: “I felt like Jesus was standing next to me and He just began to do surgery on my heart and removed self-hatred and insecurities and listening to the lies of the enemy.”

Igniter for the Nation?

Many local Christians who have been paying attention for years to prophetic words spoken over Kansas City are excited for what this move might mean not just for their area, but the nation.

Pastor Alan Koch of Christ Triumphant Church in nearby Lee’s Summit, Mo., recalled one prophecy he’d heard: “There would be an outpouring of God on the coasts, but it would come to the center. And when it would come to the center, it would ignite. And we’re hoping that this is that ignition.”

IHOP invited leaders of two longtime streams of revival to come to Kansas City to wed their efforts and also examine what this move of God might mean.

John and Carol Arnott have watched over a powerful renewal at the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship for 15 years now. They like what they saw at the IHOP renewal.

Carol said, “They’re healing the sick and they’re preaching the gospel. And I believe as people start to come, it will be so contagious.”

John added, “This is going to go all over the world. And the earth is going to be a different place because of what God does here.”

Bill Johnson’s Bethel Church in Redding, Calif. has been seeing its own miracle-filled renewal for years. He advised IHOP to drink it up: “What these pools of refreshing are is they’re wave after wave of God’s goodness that we get to taste.”

Healings Every Night

IHOP founder Mike Bickle described what he’s seeing happen night after night: “The Lord is releasing His Spirit, mostly on young people, although it’s for all ages. And a lot of people are getting healed physically, just sovereignly. Healings every night.”

IHOP staffer Rachel Wagner received one of those healings recently. For about a year she and her doctor had been worried about a suspicious lump in her breast, but she couldn’t afford the tests that could tell if it was cancerous.

Wagner told CBN News, “I’d been praying ‘Lord, if you want to heal this, announce it from the platform,’ because it’s not something that you would normally hear on a microphone. And then Wes Hall said ‘God is removing a lump from someone’s breast, someone who’s been worrying about a lump in their breast, He’s dissolving it right now.’ And I was like ‘That’s me!’ So I ran to the bathroom and I checked and it was gone completely.”

The same day Wagner talked to CBN News, her doctor confirmed the lump has totally disappeared.

A Whole New Set of Teeth

The anointing for healing isn’t just happening here at these IHOP meetings. As they go out over the live webcast, individuals and groups elsewhere are watching, joining in and reporting their own wave of healings.

Pastor Dane Joneshill was visiting IHOP while others in his Searcy, Ark. church, including his co-pastor Taylor, were watching the webcast. One began to feel a strange sensation under her dentures – a whole new set of teeth growing in.

“She could just tangibly feel them with her fingers under her gums,” Pastor Joneshill said. “So she had Taylor put his finger in her mouth and feel all these bumps under the gums where these teeth were beginning to grow and push through the skin.”

Back at IHOP, the miracles just keep coming on. Kansas City resident Stephanie London fell seven stories five years ago.

“I broke my pelvis and ever since then, my right hip has been lower than my left,” Stephanie said. “During a prayer time I felt some really intense pain and some popping, and went and checked and my hips were even.”

The next week her chiropractor confirmed her total healing: “He said ‘I can tell you right now your hips are even, you have equal flexion in both sides, you’re balanced and I have never seen you like this.’”

Now those in Kansas City experiencing this rich move of God pray that it will spread from here in the core of the country out to the campuses and the coasts and everywhere people call upon Christ, wanting more of Him.

*Originally published December 18, 2009

With the Onething Young Adult conference coming up quickly, and the continuation of the IHOPU Student Awakening, I'm looking forward to seeing 20,000 young adults get touched by the Holy Spirit December 28-31. I'm also thinking about how much altar ministry there will be during the conference, and continuing throughout the awakening season at IHOP-KC.

In light of this, I've assembled an "Altar Ministry Survival Kit" and thought I'd share it with you. Things to bring if you're apart of the altar team:

1. Mints or Gum If you're going to be praying or prophesying over people and hollering over some loud music, get a breath-freshening item.

2. Earplugs The volume level of subwoofers in an altar area can be deafening, literally, when endured for hours on end.

3. Water Don't get drained! Stay hydrated.

4. Cliff Bars A couple hours of altar ministry can be very exhausting for your body, and downtown you may not find the healthiest options for food for lunch and dinner, so it would be wise to bring some healthy munchy protein options like cliff bars or mixed nuts to snack on.

5. Kleenex to Go Keep a stash of kleenex with you at all times! I know for me, there's nothing worse than having a deep encounter with the Lord, but being distracted because I know there's snot dripping off my chin. You could rely on provided kleenex, but you may want to bring some yourself just in case you don't want to leave to person you're praying for to track down that box.

6. Individually packaged wet wipes Sometimes kleenex just isn't enough. If you've ever seen somebody go through a major prayer time with the Lord, whether deliverance or a deep touch from the Father, things can get a little messy. Individually packaged wet wipes can be a God-send to stem the tide of make-up, running mascara, or snot-on-face.

7. Hand-Sanitizer There are lots of germs out there, and you don't want to spread them around while laying hands on people.

8. Pen and Paper Many times as I'm praying for someone, I will get a prophetic word for them, but they may be in the middle of going through a lot. It can be really helpful to write down the word and give it to them to read and process a little later.

With the awakening that's going on at IHOPU, I'm having a personal renewal in my private worship times. I notice there are some songs that just carry that atmosphere of heaven breakthrough, and I've decided to start sharing my soaking mix.

This song is from a live worship recording called "The Gift" with Kevin Prosch and Heidi Baker available here: http://www.kevinprosch.com/store/

Ways to keep your mind, will and emotions healthy to receive all that the Lord is doing during seasons of refreshing

The Lord is doing incredible things in Kansas City right now through the outpouring of His Holy Spirit. I was inspired to write, not about what the Lord is doing for those who aren't here, (check out www.ihop.org/watch if you haven't heard about it) but about what to do for those of use who are here in the thick of it, or for others who find themselves in an outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

When I think about previous outpourings, renewals or awakenings, I think of Toronto, Brownsville and Lakeland. When I think about what I would term "revival culture" or people who have cultivated a lifestyle of encounter with the manifest presence of God, I think of Bethel with Bill Johnson. From these, there are practical dynamics and lessons learned. We should desire to receive the council of those who have gone before us. From what I've gathered, they have rather profound insights. In all honesty, none of the following thoughts originated with me, they came from asking questions and receiving some advice, reproof and exhortation regarding the way I was living and ways to create a "revival culture" in my own life.

The premise is "When in a Move of the Holy Spirit" - and this is particularly focused towards people who are involved in altar ministry, administration, deliverance, platform ministry, ushering, singing, worship leading, etc. etc.

1. Eat Food If you have an ambitious fasting regimen, transition to something like a Daniel fast, no caffeine, or fast only one day a week.

I was in an internship a few years ago and we talked to Bob Jones about fasting, and He said "When the Bridegroom is with you (referring also to an unusual season of visitation) you don't fast, but when He's not there, then you fast."

2. Stay Hydrated Drink lots of water. You will get dehydrated really really fast, and then you will wake up with swollen gunky eyes, chapped lips, raw face, and you will feel worn down in your body and be more susceptible to colds or the flu.

3. Try some cranberry juice I know this sounds strange, but a few years ago, I was leading worship at prophetic classes with Shawn Bolz and Paul Keith Davis. Every night after worship, my lower back would BURN in pain and I could hardly even get to my seat. Finally, Paul Keith pulled me aside and shared with me that how Bob Jones' always drinks cranberry juice. Bob had said that when you were ministering in a flow of the anointing, that you needed to take good care of your kidneys, which he called the Biblical "reins." He said that's where the anointing flows from. Now I didn't ask a lot of questions or try to figure out the who's, what's, and why's of all that, I just started drinking cranberry juice and more water and I noticed that the pain was GONE.

For inquiring minds, here are more Scriptural references for Bob's perspective on kidneys and "reins."

Reins: the kidneys, the supposed seat of the desires and affections; used metaphorically for "heart." The "reins" and the "heart" are often mentioned together, as denoting the whole moral constitution of man (Ps. 7:9; 16:7; 26:2; 139:13; Jer. 17:10, etc.)

Paul Keith also suggested finding a friend or leader that you trust to pray for you, or if you can't find somebody, putting your own hands on your lower back and asking the Holy Spirit to fill you up, refresh and sustain you if you're feeling that type of pain during or after ministry.

A Note on Intercessors If someone is engaged in a dynamic ministry where the Lord is really resting on them - whether its a minister, worship leader, prophetic singer, or someone with an unusual anointing during altar ministry, (in our case people like Wes Hall, Allen Hood, Laura Hackett, Shelley Hundley, Ed Boasso, Graeme Walsh, Steven Beauchamp, and so many others) they may need some "back up" or prayer that the Lord would continue to flow through them, cover them from attack and fill them up. This is why many times in different churches and conferences (Bethel, conferences with Shawn Bolz or Paul Keith, and many more) you will see someone standing behind the singers on the platform - a platform intercessor - or someone following behind a minister during altar ministry.

A word of caution: Don't start praying for someone you don't have relationship with at close proximity without their permission. What I do during the IHOPU awakenings is to pray for Wes and Allen from wherever I'm at: "Lord bless Wes and Allen right now. Holy Spirit, cover them, sustain them, fill them up. Release your ministering angels to them even now God, strengthen their bodies, renew their spirit man.." Speaking from my experience as a worship leader, it is more unsettling to have a stranger pop up behind you and start praying (you hope).

4. Eat healthy. I've experienced this scenario firsthand: It's 1:30 am and you've been in the meeting for 8 hours. You're starving, and nobody wants to go home and cook at 1:30, and nothing else is open! So you go to Buffalo Wild Wings for the 10th day in a row.

I also observed junk food eating behind the scenes at a more recent outpouring and thought to myself, "You guys have been eating that? No wonder you feel bad! It's not warfare, it's your diet." 65 days in a row of junk food will make you feel terrible. The Holy Spirit is not going to transform that deep fried, sugar covered, bacon marinated junk into fruits and vegetable in your stomach. You need to make healthy choices that will help sustain your "weak frame."

Now like I said, I understand (I've been to BWW twice already as have an entire worship team) that no one wants to cook at 1:30 am. But you need to become deliberate about eating healthy! Some friends of mine have a plan: we're getting 10 or so people together into a little cooking co-op where a couple of us will leave the service around 11:30 to go prepare some food, and the other 8 can come after the service and we'll all eat together. We rotate houses, and cooking responsibilities and pitch in some funds. You can get some of your friends together and do something like that and you'll save lots of money, feel better because you'll be eating better, and you'll have great redemptive fellowship in the afterglow of the Holy Spirit.

You also might want to get some cliff bars to keep with you - 8 hours of ministry is a long time.

5. Get Plenty of Rest This isn't a time to push your body to the point of exhaustion. You may find yourself needing a lot more sleep than you did before, that's normal and okay.

6. Eliminate the Unnecessary. Stay faithful with what the Lord has really called you to: Mike used the example of continuing to feed the homeless, but if you're doing lots of unnecessary "stuff" consider downsizing. Suspend your end-times Bible study for a season, cancel meetings, and simplify your life so that you can fully receive all that the Lord has for you during this season. When you look back on this time years down the road, you're not going to regret being as involved as you can, but you may regret not being more involved.

7. Keep your Devotional Time Maybe before this, you've been able to have devotional time in the prayer room, but with all that's going on in there now you may to need to carve out quiet time ALONE with Jesus. There, He's going to speak, minister, fill you up, and sustain you. Don't think that because you're spending 8 hours praying for people at an outpouring service that you can suspend your personal devotional time. The Lord will meet you in such sweetness during these private times - He will meet you with that same manifest presence that is there during the altar ministry for impartation to others if you take the time.

Another note: During the meetings or prayer room ministry time, remember that you can switch back and forth from praying and releasing to personal receiving. Your "ministry mode" doesn't have to last the entire time, you can have sweet personal encounter, and transition right into praying for others.

8. Keep Taking Your Day Off Nightly meetings will ebb and flow, and some nights will be "better" or "stonger" than others. That's just how it works. Don't feel like if you take a night off that God is not going to meet you anymore. There is NO condemnation for resting your body or spending time with you family. Even in the midst of the most dramatic healings, miracles, salvations and power demonstrations that we look forward to in the capital letters REVIVAL, you're still going to need a Sabbath and some time off with your family.

Some people throw themselves so into a renewal that their family suffers. You don't want your wife or children to acquire offense towards the Lord because you're not stewarding your relationships.

9. Realize that You are going to be Sensitive Things that didn't bother you before may grieve your spirit now. It's good to keep that in mind that in your conversations and activities before you ask those "Why do I feel this way" questions. Keep in mind that you may feel the presence of the Lord or manifest when you're out to eat and get prophetic words for the barista at Starbucks, or you may be grieved at a film you used to enjoy. Be extra vigilant about what you allow to enter your "gates" (eyes, ears, etc) because it will strike your heart in a heightened way.

10. Backlash is Real Francis Frangipane's "New Levels, New Devils" is real: If you're experiencing breakthrough, freedom, joy and increased manifest presence, the enemy doesn't like that. You will need to stand your ground in agreement with the Lord over hopelessness, depression, shame, condemnation, disqualification and other lying "fiery darts" the enemy may deploy in an attempt to take you out. Stand Firm, declare agreement with the Lord OUT LOUD and use the Scripture.

11. Remember The First and Second Commandment If this awakening continues and grows here in Kansas City, there may be quite a lot of people who come for a touch from the Lord. After a while, His sweet presence can become viewed as a commodity that is passed around: "Blam Blam Shaba Blam...Get 'Em, Blam."

We can become sidetracked by the unique sensation of His manifest presence, and overwhelmed by the numbers of people. We will need to continually remember that we are called to love the Lord our God, not just His tingles but His Person, and to love our neighbor. Not neighbors as if they are a mass group of people, but neighbor singular, dealing with each one as an individual as we're praying at the altar, prophesying, singing, or even just running into them in the bathroom.

12. Make Lists of Stuff you Really Need to Do I'm noticing this for myself: I am preoccupied with Jesus. That is an AMAZING thing. After years of being preoccupied with me, this is way better! Some unexpected side-effects are that I'm forgetting to do some stuff I need to do, like trash day, grocery shopping, and going to the bank. Errands that previously were just a natural part of your life may completely slip your mind because you're thinking about JESUS, which is AWESOME, but you do still need to pay your gas bill. I've started making a sticky notes I take everywhere with me:

1. Eat
2. Walk and Feed Dog
3. Talk to Parents
4. Pay Utilities
5. Trash Day is Wednesday
Sounds a little silly, but it may be necessary for you like it is for me.

Love to hear your comments

I'm make this short and quick, and not too sappy. Sadly, my old school Powerbook G4 from a few years ago is seeing the end of its days, and seriously cutting into my ability to do cool updates to my site, and work on exciting up-and-coming projects bringing more free music and materials to the interwebs. Looking at buying a new mac is exciting, and expensive with a $1700 price tag (updated ONLY $1500 woohoo), but at this point its pretty necessary. If you've enjoyed some free downloads, encouraging blogs, are really excited about upcoming recording projects (oops, beans spilled) or web sites I may be working on, or you just like me and want to bless me, I would appreciate any contributions to make the purchase of a new "baby" possible. You can get me via paypal, or holler on the contact page if you fancy sending a check, and if you can't give anything - no pressure. I'm just glad you're here.

Blessings
Joanna

The International House of Prayer in Kansas City is about to celebrate its ten year anniversary of 24/7 worship, and that's got me all nostalgic. I was in high school when the prayer room opened, and I was really bummed I had to keep going to school every day instead of joining staff. Every Friday night, my mom and I would make the 40 mile drive to Grandview just in time for Monty Poe's set, followed by Carol Hall. We came to every "Bridegroom Watch" and conference. I remember being at the Enjoying God worship conference in 1999 and hearing Julie Meyer singing and leading worship. It was at one of those conferences in the late 90's that I heard JoAnn McFatter prophetically singing, and I told my mom that's what I was supposed to do. She told me to consider being a lawyer.

When I finally graduated high school, I gave up scholarships to do an internship in 2002 with IHOP. I remember our first day; we were required to be in the prayer room for 12 hours and honestly when it was over, I didn't want to leave. My dream was to spend my life worshiping Jesus and crying my eyes out at His feet. I spent long hours pouring over John of the Cross' poems, and writing in my journal, praying and gazing on Jesus and waiting on Him, studying the Song of Solomon and being astonished as He unfolded mysteries about His heart and His affections. It was wonderful.  Lots of people now talk about how it didn't smell good in the prayer room, or it had bad carpet, but I never noticed that. I just remember being with Jesus.

I ache, and strive and pray to be in that sweet place again. Where disappointment and frustration, and years of waiting and organization and structure and discipline and tarrying and dryness and disillusionment fade away, and I can find myself content to be in the place of simply loving Him. Not proving my leadership abilities, or being responsible with something, or building a Christian resume, just loving Him again unreservedly and unashamedly.

Through the years - I stretched and I grew, and I tried and I failed, and I waited and I served, and I compromised, and I strove for approval, then I ran from commitment, and I followed the Lord and I learned the hard way, and now what?

I know that prayer room is gone. I know that I can never again be that 17-year old girl with such simplicity and naivety. No matter how many time I sit reading...

Like a stag in the forest you charged me and fled

You vanished, I followed lamenting my loss

...it will never be the same. No matter how many times I sing the same choruses, it is a futile attempt to return to an earlier version of myself.  I can't unlearn and undo what 7 years has done.

I can only press on.

I know that things are changing for me. I feel it and know it. The Lord has been working in my heart with a determination that although I will never again be a 17-year-old Mary of Bethany, I can love Him extravagantly at 24, and I can love Him with all of me. I trust and hope that He has a purpose in my creativity and curiosity, that my insatiable apetite for mysteries and study has not thwarted the cry of my heart for presence and abiding.  That with every unique and creative and eccentric part of my being, I can love Him. Oh this is getting exciting again.

How can I love you extravagantly today Lord?

I'm sitting at the kitchen table after a long day. Austin, my 4 month-old puppy has brought out of his basket almost every toy he has. He's currently running around making quite a racket with his empty 2-liter bottle. Beside me, his stuffed quacker duck on one side, a firewood log turned chew toy on the other. Despite my living room turned giant playpen, he such a good puppy and I'm grateful.
More about Austin here>>

Background music is the prayer room, but not-so-live: I'm recording some parts of my devo from Saturday and marveling at the provision of the Lord. Saturday, I played a two-hour solo devo at the prayer room at IHOP. At the time, I was so moved in my heart watching other people being ministered to, knowing that this was just for them. "Oh those people crying! So great."

...One day later, I felt SO discouraged. You know that all-around discouraged day where you're target practice for the accuser, but you don't recognize it as accusation? Those days where you wonder if you've missed your destiny in the Lord, and now you're stuck with "less than" for the rest of your life? Where you feel kinda sapped of the passion you feel like you once had for the Lord, and wonder if you're wandering around in circles? I'm sure I don't need to describe the voice of the accuser, but it sounds like "not good enough, too weak, a failure, no future, missed it, disqualified, etc etc." Add in some self-pity and you've partnered to get yourself in a real pickle. Where that's where I was; pickling.

I have noticed, and I must remember this for the future, that in times like this it's usually hard for me to hear the Lord. But it's not because I'm disqualified from hearing His voice, but because I'm too preoccupied, condemned, self-centered, or discouraged to actually take time and listen. Well the Lord was gracious, and spoke rather loudly. Remember that set on Saturday? You thought it was for all those other people, but it's for you today. I knew that you would need encouragement. Why don't you go back and listen to it, and know that it's my heart for you.

My sheep will hear my voice.
You will know me.

Be of good cheer, my eyes are on you.
Be of good cheer, my heart is for you.

I've seen your weakness and I know your pain
I've seen your journey, every step of the way

Just know that I am with you
You I will not forsake

You make me glad, right where you're at
I'm rejoicing over you.

When all you can see if your weakness
When all you can feel if your pain
When all you know is your struggles
but you say yes to me anyway,
You make me glad.

He is simply so gracious to meet us where we are, and let us know that we don't have to stay there. He will open to us a door of hope in the wilderness. The whole secret of David, his Isaiah 22:22 key was an unwavering confidence in God's heart for him. Despite seasons of victory and failure, David knew that who He was before the Lord was not contingent upon those circumstances. He saw through the veil to a day when we would be hidden in Christ.

Wherever you're at right now, I encourage you to set aside some quite time to be with the Lord and ask Him "What do you feel about me? Talk to me about Your future for my life. Open up my eyes, show me a way out of the wilderness. Where are my doors of hope Lord?" If it helps, download this 30-minute portion of my set and let the Lord encourage you today.

The Catalyst

I've been working in non-profit organizations, churches and ministries for about 7 years now and recently, I have been SOOOO frustrated. It's been hard! People get bogged down with politics, lots of 'em have these emotional problems that interfere with their productivity, there seems to be a general absence of "getting things done" and "get up and go" and a little "up and at 'em" - and that drives me up the wall, and we're talking the "Wow, I think I need inner healing" wall.

Choosing Mercy

In light of the "loosing my marbles" feeling in my heart and life, I've been pressing in with my private at-home devotional time asking the Lord to do something. I've been soaking to Laura Woodley (Osman)'s cd's Home and In Love. You may have heard Laura on Tehilah Toronto's cd, Born of the Spirit. If you don't have her cd's, I recommend that you get them. She is my favorite soaking/devotional worship leader, and her albums are long-play The cd's are a little hard to find and I couldn't locate any mp3 downloads online, but it's worth buying the physical cd. You can listen to some of her songs on their Myspace.

I've been listening to a song on her In Love cd called Mercy on repeat. It's like Jesus therapy.

"Standing on the other side of forgiveness. You are different now, I can see it. Standing on the other side of all my angry walls, I don't judge you at all. I've been forgiven of more than I could ever be angry for, instead of judgment, I choose mercy."

I was also listening to a Bill Johnson message from Bethel weekend services podcast on Sunday, and he said (I'll probably butcher this quote) something like "The Lord has mercy and shows favor to groups with poor organization and structure because He cares about the people involved." He was also talking about how at the end of the day, we don't stand before the Lord with an org chart, but with the lives of people.

At those words, my conviction meter started rising. For quite some time, the perspective of my heart has been: "Now I could really make something of this if we had a better infrastructure and less silly people..." It's so easy to allow our motivations to gradually drift towards charts and graphs, schedules and meetings, lists, productivity and deliverables. And we keep telling ourselves that we're doing all this for Jesus.

I know I needed that reality check. I don't want to entertain the delusion that I'm neglecting my relationships for Jesus, that I'm snapping at people at work for Jesus, that I'm running over people, but it's okay because it's for Jesus...It's not for Jesus, and He doesn't like it. Jesus is not in the business of manipulating people (from my favorite Neville Johnson sermon, Understanding Grace) Just thinking on that one gets me. He's not into coercing them, or wringing them dry of their gifts, talents and abilities. Sacrificing for organized church isn't the Gospel of the Kingdom, loving people is.

In that earlier-mentioned message, Bill goes on to talk about showing grace. He says, "I'd rather show grace to someone, and find out later I've been tricked and they weren't as repentant as I thought, then to NOT show grace and stand before the Lord for my judgments."

Luke 11:46 Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.

I got a Puppy for my 24th Birthday

Now I realize that I have been a little silent on my blog, and I wanted to explain myself. Meet Austin, my 10-week old birthday puppy. If you don't have a dog, or don't care too much, just scan the pics. Otherwise enjoy my rather detailed dog-servations.

For me, getting a puppy is no small thing. I've never raised a puppy. I grew up in a home with dogs, but none of them were solely my responsibility. While living on my own, I did care for an adult Malamute/Husky Saber before he died, but never a puppy. I had to come to terms with some pretty sobering facts: I will probably have this dog until I'm 36! I will probably get married and have children while owning this dog. The freedom to travel through Europe for the summer is greatly hindered by owning a dog. After I'd exhausted my own, my mom offered her share of fears too, like liability if the dog bites someone, trainability and whether I have enough time to properly commit to rearing an animal. But after weighing the options, and dealing with my reservations, I decided to make the commitment.

After deciding to get a dog, then there were the breed considerations; pedigree, pound, or puppy-mill rescue, and the age possibilities of between 8 weeks to one year. After Googling (they call me "The Google-izer because I google everything) I visited Wayside Waifs, the local Humane Society for animal adoptions, and came across Austin (named after Jill, not Jane). The moment I saw him, I knew he was "the one." After playing with him, doing some additional breed research and bracing myself for a big change, I signed the papers, he had surgery, and I took him home.






I've had Austin for a couple weeks now, and after four years of living alone, it has been quite an adjustment to my lifestyle (and my sleep schedule with those 4 am puppy bathroom breaks). But it's been 3 weeks and things are going pretty good. House training is going great, basic commands, socialization and temperament, shots, finding a vet, etc. are proceeding along just fine. I'm not saying it's not hard, but it's also definitely rewarding.

My list of things that make owning a dog a little easier

1. Midwest Select Triple Door Dog Crate. How could you ever house train without a crate? Things have been going great since I picked this one up at Petmart. Austin only had accidents in it for the first few days, now he's clean and dry, loves his bed, takes naps in it every afternoon voluntarily, and I've been able to expand his sleeping area to half the kennel size. Good dog.

2. Zuke's Dog Treats: Thanks to the Brookside Barkery, home of all things natural and delightfully expensive for your pets, I came across these all-natural dog treats and teeth cleaners, which my dog absolutely loves (unfortunately due to the price tag). Now I'm buying him the gourmet treats online (sorry Brookside, but they're a lot cheaper). I'll make a snob out of him yet. I also really like the NOW! Puppy Chow, but there's quite a hefty price to that as well so for now he's on Eukanuba. I'm sticking with natural treats except for...

3. Rachel Ray's Hamburger Dog Treats. They are $1 a bag at Wal-Mart, and the dog loves them.

4. Puppy classes at Wayside Waifs. Austin loves puppy classes and he's learning so fast! There's only 4 or 5 puppies in each class, and you get one-on-one attention. Through the moral support of the class, Austin is learning bite inhibition, conquered his fear of the stairs, socializes with puppies every week, and is learning sit, down, stay and come. (He's incredible at sit, impressive at stay, tolerable at down and terrible with come. Glad we've still got some more classes.) Thanks to our instructor, Skip Daiger

5. Shawnee Mission Dog Park The dog park is a 53-acre off-leash area features a dog swim beach and wood chip and natural surface trails through grassland and wooded areas. The area also includes paved parking and portable toilets. Austin gets to meet lots of new friends, puppies, grown-up dogs, children and people. He's so cute, he always gets attention. One note: Shawnee Mission Park is chock full of deer so make sure you and your pup have appropriate tick repellent. Neither of you want to get lyme disease :(

6. Kong Chew Toys Austin's gonna be a chewer, this much I've figured out. To get him started chewing on the right things, I got him a Puppy Kong Chew toy. I spent literally hours at different times and different places looking at puppy toys. Most of them were just ridiculous and cheap. I took one look at the "stuffed Christmas themed bear" and went, "yep that'll get ripped apart and swallowed before dinner." Or those cheap squeaker chew toys? Annoying. So I did some research. I figured if I could find 5-10 durable, healthy toys that would last for a while and I didn't have to worry about him ingesting them while he's bored in the middle of the night, it would probably be worth spending a few more dollars. All my friends agree on the Puppy Kong.

7. Petsmart Grooming: With a puppy like Austin, he likes to get wet, dirty and have lots of fun. I'm not in the confident place of washing (and drying) him myself, especially in the cold weather, so it was a lifesaver when I discovered Petsmart Grooming gives puppies under 6 months a bath for $10.99. Yep, can't beat that with a stick, and he gets some more socialization time. They always say he's a little angel, and he gets to say "hey!" to some 5-10 other people in the store on the way in and out, while I get to go shopping.

8. The Stuffed Duck. In the world of dog toys, nothing so far compared to the stuffed mallard duck. It's got a not-so-annoying, somewhat believable quack, and Austin LOVES it. He sleeps with his duck, plays puppy ATTACK! with his duck, and drags it around the house.

9. Dr. Lyle at Crest Animal Hospital. Finding a vet can be a little difficult. When Saber was sick, we went to Banfield, which is the clinic our of Petsmart. To be honest, it just felt a little commercial to me - like they see way too many animals. Growing up, we went to a vet in Richmond Missouri who was the nicest lady - she was also a farm vet, so it wasn't unusual to see horse trailers parked outside her office. There is something special about that small-town practice, and the personal care provide. Vets are like dentists, and recommendations are always a good place to start. Wayside recommended Dr. Lyle, and I couldn't be happier AND he's my neighbor.

I know I'm learning a lot about dogs, but I'm also learning a lot about me. I have to tell you, it's been great coming home and not thinking and worrying about work, coming up with some new "strategies" or internally rehashing my relationships, or over-analyzing my future. Right now, everything is... "Do you need to go outside?" And that's okay.

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